Kitteh vs kitty The Clash
by PureSinner
Summary: That's the fourth man that you killed today Uchiha! What have you got to say in your defense' 'The damn cat is guilty.' Blink. 'A cat' 'One devil cat indeed.'
1. I

Copyright: No, unfortunately neither me nor the kitty own Naruto. Sadly.

Will I get it as b-day present Mr. Kishimoto? Pwese? :33

And this fic is dedicated to: Adam! My best friend on net and in life too :) Thanks for everything, A-chan :D

Yatta! On with the story-Lalala.

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Kitteh vs. Kitty The clash

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It was oh-so-sunny day in the bright and freakin' bluish Uchiha residence.

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'' Can't you get any other color then blue and black? Be girly a little!! Be pink for God's sake! '' - The fan said.

'' My wife presents pink. In every possible way. '' - evil glint.

'' Ouh'' –snorts and mumbles- _Stupid Wide-forehead weakling_ ''...yea...mmm, than green! ''

'' Broccoli dude who used to chase my before mentioned wife? Not to mention the one who is obsessed with Sai lately? No thanks. ''

'' Argh! Well orange then! ''

'' Five words: The never ending idiocy of Naruto. Nuff' said.''

'' Wow...you actually said –counts- seven words and forty-nine letters! Like OMG it's a miracle! And that is seven words by the way, Sauce-kay-kun. Not five. ''

-glare-

'' Okay, it's five than Sauce-kay-kun. ''

-double glare-

'' Sauce-gay-kun then? I mean, I've always wondered if you're attracted a bit to Naruto!!! -Squeal- After all, in every rumor there is a little truth and besides, SasuNaru seems so hawt-

-Censored-

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lah-lala-lah

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**A funeral was held three days later.**

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-Tah kitty and the four lost soldiers on the road of life-

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'' Sooo...Mr. Uchiha, am I right? Would you kindly explain us why have you visited us today? ''

''....''

'' Err, ...Sir? ''

''....''

-Poke poke-

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**'' DON'T POKE ME YOU FAGGOT! ''**

**- **

- Sounds of thousand chirping birds followed by agonizing screams of pain –

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5 minutes later

'' Err, ...sir...?''

- Poke poke –

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Sake powerz – Yoshhh

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Twitch.

'' Uchiha, what the hell did you do to my pupils? Explain. And explain well. ''

- Cracking the table underneath –

''...pickles?''

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** A/N:** **I hate pickles. My mum likes 'em though :)**

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Stop.

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Blink blink.

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Eyes widening.

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'' Of for the love of...SHIZUNE!! Send Uchiha kid to the Wakane-san's room. Immediately! ''

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Tap. Tap. Tap.

''.....''

Cough.

''...He...''

Heads up.

''....Hn....''

Sigh.

Tap Tap Tap.

Coug-

'' IT TOOK OVER MY HOUSE!! ''

Pause.

Silence.

_Chi chi chi._

'' What the...?''

'' He came, no wait; IT came and claimed my wife, my beautiful raging Sakura and my adorable little twins. Ohh papa loves his Raiji and Ku.

- insert waterfall tears along with big BIG chibi eyes and fists shaking at the sky. Ups. No wait. Not the sky. The ceiling. -

Oh my cute little babies!! _WHAT A MONSTER!!_ HE TOOK PAPA FROM HIS BABY'S!!! HE TOOK MY KIDS!!! MY LIFE!! MY EVERYTHING!! '' - said tah pretty Uchiha with tah tears streaming like a waterfall down his face.

The doctor gaped at the teary Uchiha for good ten minutes.

'' Mr. Uchiha, are you speaking about an affair? ''

'' Affair...?''

- evil look -

'' AFFAIR? ''

_Shiver._

'' Are you implying that my wife, my dear pure blossom Sakura is cheating on me? '' - low menacing voice.

- Insert chilling 999 intensity glare -

Gulp.

'' Well sire, what else could you mean? What other thing could it possibly be other than a man? '' - Wakane asked cautiously.

Shiver shiver.

Turn turn.

'' A... ''

The young black-haired man lowered his shoulders down whispering to the close man.

'' ...cat. ''

_Thump._

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'' Uchiha....this is fourth death in a row caused by you. I am starting to think that you really need a serious help.'' - Tsunade said narrowing her ebony eyes on pale face of the Uchiha leader.

'' Hn. '' - blank look.

'' REALLY serious. ''

'' Aa. ''

'' REALLY REALLY serious. ''

'' Mhm. ''

'' UCHIHA! THAT'S IT! SHIZUNE! ''

A short girl with long red hair popped in, shivering at the Hokage's rage.

'' A-anosa, Tsunade-sama, Shizune-san was admitted in hospital this morning. Her ears have internal bleeding. '' – the girl squeaked out.

'' Her ears you say? Hmm, that Shizune! I wonder what could have possibly made her that way. '' - Tsunade snorted.

The other two occupations of the room just stood there with the blank look.

_Stare._

'' What? ''

_Stare._

'' Oh, nothing. ''

'' Just saw a flying bug down the road from the window. Nothing serious. ''

'' Alright, Kana, send a letter to Mr. Fuji. This is a serious case we have here. ''

'' Hai, Tsunade-sama. '' - girl bowed and left quickly.

'' Now... ''

Hokage sat beside her desk, her knuckles set firmly before her mouth.

'' Mr. Fuji is very popular with these kinds of cases Uchiha. He will most likely find a cure in less then a month. '' - She spoke.

'' A cure? I don't need a cure!! Just kill that damn cat! That's the cure! '' - Sasuke shouted rising up his fist.

'' SILENCE!!! ''

Windows glass breaking.

Ears bleeding.

-

**Somewhere in Suna...**

**- **

'' Kazekage-sama!! Your glass Naruno henge Girl statue broke! ''

...

Sand swirling.

'' No!! Ahh!! Kazekage-sama!! It was not me!! No!! Not my eyes!! My poor eyes!! Aaaa!! ''

'' Hn. ''

'' Ack. Gyaha. I hate Mondays. ''

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**Back at the Hokage Tower**

**- **

'' Hai. Whatever. '' - Uchiha answered, covering his bleeding ears and trailing out of the door.

'' Hm. Good good. ''

Kana flew into the office handling the documents and filling the Hokage in for the news.

'' Oh, Sasuke-san also requested an ear treatment just now, must be some nasty cold. '' - Kana laughed nervously picking up the papers form the desk.

'' Indeed. We need to research it. ''

'' H-Hai. -sweatdrops- Ehm, Tsunade-sama, is this...is Mr. Fuji really that good?''

'' Hm. ''

Evil glint in the eyes.

''He will be just perfect.''

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**A/N: Finally done with the first chapter!! Yahoo!**

**This was supposed to be one-shot. How'd it get to multiple-chapter fic...? **

**Oh well, it's done and the next chapter will be...I don't know when...and I'm tired to rant more because of all the homework I did last night.**

**Shalala,**

**Aspyre**


	2. PWN

**Very very phailz0r grammarz. **

May harass your **eyes**, your **ears** and your brain.

**Viewer discretion is advised. **

NOW LALALALALALA.

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''You know''-

_Dark aura._

**DARK AURA.**

''Sas-''

_Chi. Chi. Chi._

Sigh.

Again.

''Duuuuuuuud-''

**SLAM.**

''THE FUCK MAN, WHY'D YA GO SLAMMING ME INTO THE GODDAMN TREE!''

''Shut up.''

_Twitch._

''Moron-head, I was just trying to help you.''

''You babblez too muchez.''

**Snort.**

''I do not.''

''Besides, oi Schwarzenegger, are we going to kill that clone of yours or not?''

''Wtf man! What clone? He's not even handsome.''

''Me... I'm goddamn smexy.

-wink wink-

***SHINING*  
**

''..right man. Whatever ya say.''

''No really-''

''Will ya shut up already? We are on a mission dude.''

''Wow, you actually sound smart.''

''...Go to hell.''

''Already been there.''

**Sigh.**

**-**

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''Mom, when is daddy coming home?'' - the cute, glittery eyes and the pout.

**''KYAAAAAAAAAAA! SO CUTE SO CUTE SO CUTE! MUST HUG.''**

_(And squash the thing btw.)_

''But honey, ain't I good enough?''

-

**Hawt, tall & smeXEH!.**

''Oh yea baby.''

**The en-**

''NO WAY IN FUCKING HELL-''

_..err kk._

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So... it was a pretty warm sunny day, once again and it was the pretty smexy Uchiha duckass once again.

...visiting Mr. Shrinky.

''Fu.''

Ou, gladly man 8D What time?

**Scream of frustration.**

Aww. Okie.

''Oh, Lord Uchiha, we didn't quite expect to see you - **OMG FOKA GET THE PICTURES AND THE VID! POST ON YOUTUBE! NOWZ! _** *runz*

''Wtf.''

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And so, he opens the door.

A CAT-

No, just a fugly dog.

''Hot stuff, get out! You'll ruin my good looks.''

''But I need your help ma- I mean dog. Err, dog-man?''

''What, pretty ass?''

_'#.#' kekekeke._

''You hate neko-smexy-boys that take over your throne and say that u're as stupid as ficus and take ur annoying fangirl wife and stupid kids who're cute but can't throw a kunai even if their life depended on it?''

''Oh baby, count me in.''

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''B-b-baby?''

Buahahaha. 8D

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Uchiha.

Powaz.

In ze shining red cape and yellow spanddax-

**WAIT A SEC!**

Make it pink bunny suit #.#

...***erase***

Smexeh Uchiha in pink bunneh suit while pulling his zipper down-

***BLIND***

**AAAAH, MY EYES!**

''So hairy, man.''

''Will you look at-''

''Sasu-chan, I lub yew againz =3''

''Sakura!''

''Sasuke...kun''

_-Ghei-sunset-scene-_

And the phail kawaii clone walking away with tears in those pretty eyes.

Oh gtfo douchebag.

**Buahahaha.**

The end.

(_this time, for real_)

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A/N

**O_O**

...kekekeke.


End file.
